When you get stabbed in the back a lot during the formative years of your youth; well it does some permanent damage. It leaves scars, that no matter how much you change yourself, remain for a long time. It can make it extremely difficult down the road to accept that what you’ve learned to be life; may not actually be what other people see as the true meaning of it at all. We all exist in this physical body, and walk this gorgeous planet of ours, but we still seem to all have our own little universes.

Some of those universes have white picket fences, others are just the current moment in time and how we live in it. Everyone has their own perceptions, dreams, and believes as to what life is and what it should be. This is why the truth of anything is subjective. Even some of the most basic concepts like trust.

I’ve always taken the definition of trust very literally. My concept of it has been much like these dictionary definitions:

1. Assured resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship, or other sound principle, of another person; confidence;  reliance. ”O ever-failing trust in mortal strength!” –Milton.
2. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
3. To have or place confidence in; depend on.

But more importantly, I believed that trusting someone meant having faith that they would not betray you, your confidence, or your person. For example, trusting a friend not to talk negatively about you behind your back, or trusting a lover not to cheat on you. I thought these concepts were fairly simple, but as I’ve been looking deeper into my own trust issues as of late, I’ve found some other definitions of what trust means to others which both confuse and annoy me.

One resource I was looking at recently defined trust in a way that is complete foreign and seems counter-intuitive to me. The following is an excerpt from their explanation.

Logically, you know that what people say and do are generally two different things.

Yet how many times have you believed what people have told you, only to be hurt when they didn’t follow through? The way society uses trust, we hear a communication and decide whether or not to believe what we hear/read/see. Yet, I don’t know of a single person who has never gone back on their word at least once in their lives, so what is all of this trust stuff really about?

Everyone has their own set of fears and patterns that affect how they interact with others. In each hurtful situation where your trust was breached, people responded from their own unique set of fears. Because you wanted to trust and believe them, you ignored the truth to keep seeking love.

Every time fear won over that particular person’s ability to show love. The same is true for your parents and those who cared for you. Their fears and how they were taught were the only way they could express themselves to you, which was filled with their own anger at how they were betrayed and their own experiences of lack of love.

Rather than ‘trusting’ somebody, an option is to learn that people are always seeking approval and acceptance from others. No matter how sincere somebody is when they speak, ultimately the fears THEY have will win and what they do is a result of their own patterned behaviour.

So if you were to stop looking at people as to whether or not they can be trusted, you will be less disappointed when they don’t do what they say. Understand that everyone is in internal conflict about what they want and what they are capable of doing. Trusting someone is understanding why they act the way they do.

So let me get this straight. According to this analysis, instead of believing someone will not betray and hurt me. Accept that they most certainly will betray and hurt me, and accept them for that anyway? I’m no psychologist or councillor but that seems kind of ridiculous to me.

If I am to expect my love to cheat on me or my friends to stab me in the back, why the fuck would I bother with either one? I suppose my search for understanding on this particular subject continues on, unsatisfied. I can accept the fact that loved ones screw up sometimes. But I can’t possibly accept my girl friend screwing another person, or my friends betraying me. I trust them because I know they won’t, not because I accept they will.

Trust to me, is being able to not worry or think about these things occurring because I know they won’t, based both on emotional bonds and logical history with the person or people I am trusting. Is that definition too much to ask of humans? Because if it is, fuck this world’s inhabitants.

I’d really love to hear some other people’s definitions of trust, or their perceptions on what I’ve said here. Please leave comments on what you think about this subject.

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